Daddy-Daughter Relationships

Are you a Daddy’s Girl? Do you remember Daddy treating you to ice cream and letting you stay up late when Mom left the house? Was Daddy a chaperone at your school field trip? Maybe that unforgettable day when Daddy walked you down the aisle was the saddest, yet proudest moment of your wedding.

If you are the Proud Father of a Daddy’s Girl, do you remember those trusting eyes and that bright smile that your baby girl gave you from the crib? Was there anything better than coming home from work, opening the door, and hearing that young voice yell, “Daddy! Daddy!” as your princess ran and jumped into your arms? Have you already experienced that heart-stopping moment when a young guy asked your permission to replace you as the man in your daughter’s life through marriage?

I have the honor to witness a Daddy-Daughter relationship within a family to which I have become close this year. The father of this family has become a dear friend and, out of his five children, his oldest daughter of fifteen has a special place in his heart. His example of fatherhood includes five values that I wish to highlight.

1. EYE CONTACT – Through praise or rebuke, his love for his daughter is evident through the piercing eye contact he maintains with her. He asserts both his authority over her upbringing and commitment to her eternal well-being in a firm yet compassionate gaze.

2. QUESTIONS – Instead of telling his beloved daughter what to do and how to live, like a puppy in training, he teaches her reasoning skills by asking questions. She is guided to understand the logic behind her devoted father’s concerns in order to make better decisions in the future for herself.

3. FOLLOW-THROUGH – This father will adjust rules as his daughter proves herself responsible and trustworthy but does not let her off the hook for infractions. Parents who hope that the “threat of punishment” is sufficient, are teaching children to compromise values. Consistency in discipline is more critical than the form of discipline because trust is crucial to effective parenting. A daughter will struggle to develop an uncompromising character if she is raised in a home where obedience is subjective to her father’s mood.

4. ASKING FOR HELP – This man is one of few father’s I have ever known who pursues guidance from pastors, literature, sermons, and other fathers on raising his daughter. Even more amazing than asking for help, is that he will ask preemptively! Instead of waiting for trials to surface, he anticipates life events that are either distant or right around the corner for his precious angel and prepares himself to guide her effectively.

5. PARENTAL UNITY – The parents come to agreements about raising their children and are unified in their objectives. Please understand that this does not mean that two parents think alike. For example, a mother may value grades on a report card the most, while a father may most value conduct. However, they can agree to guide their child to value grades and conduct.

Do you have one of these special relationships, where an unexplainable bond has knit together your souls for the majority of your life through both good and difficult times? If so, then you may wonder if anyone else really understands because it feels unique. The carefree happiness of a creative daughter, spirited with her youthful innocence and beautiful character, can flood a father with a renewed outlook on life. At first, Daddy may simply realize that the world is not so ugly and hopeless: the sun shines a litter brighter, the rain refreshes rather than depresses, and he cries during parts of movies to which he was formally unaffected. Before long, this relationship is just more than new tears and big grins. It becomes spiritual. Daddy realizes that he has a responsibility to make the world a better place for his daughter and through his daughter. Once a Christian father has the revelation that his relationship with his daughter is akin to his heavenly Father’s design for His children, the weight of training up that precious girl to have integrity, compassion, wisdom, and reasonable faith in the Lord, so that she can go into a world that may be hostile to her, is nerve-racking. Indeed it may overwhelm a father beyond his ability, were it not for God sending His Son to endure the torments of the world in order to give hope to others. However, difficulties from within the home can pressure this relationship too.

The responsibility, privilege, and joy of working toward such a strong relationship may feel unfair to the rest of your family; especially if there are other daughters (often younger) in the family that lack some of that “magic” with Daddy. Does such a rapport promote favoritism with Daddy’s Girl or even with daughters over sons? Does the son get spanked while the daughter gets a gentle scolding for the same offense? The answer depends on the motive. If Daddy is soft with his priceless angel because she bats her eyelids in slow motion, then he hates her. At least, that is what the Bible says, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently” (Prov. 13:24, NASB). This principle applies to daughters as well. However, if Daddy disciplines his son differently than his daughter because of their different abilities to obey, then He may be wise in his parenting. Allow me to explain.

Two family members having a stronger relationship with each other than they do for their other children or siblings can cause guilt because our culture often values fairness. I emphasize raising your children with fair opportunities, but not with fair structure. In one of Jesus’ parables, He says that a master went on a journey and entrusted three of his servants with his money. Jesus said, “To one he [the master] gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability” (Matt. 25:15, NASB). All servants were given the opportunity to invest the master’s money, but the master structured their opportunity according to their abilities. So too, Daddy may discern greater ability in his daughter. Instead of giving her more opportunities because he is blinded by affection, his affection for her is increased because of her obedience during opportunities.

Not only is such a relationship healthy between father and daughter, but it develops an understanding that will enable the daughter to transfer that trust toward her heavenly Father. If her earthly father burdens his daughter with rules, expectations, and traditions that are devoid of compassion, then she will likely see God as a cold authoritative figure. However, if she has been raised by a well-discerning Godly man, like my friend, then she will readily accept that “God so loved the world, that He gave” and “Whom the Lord loves He disciplines" (John 3:16; Heb. 12:6, NASB). Meaning, whether He gives to us or rebukes us, both are considered measures of His love. As Job stated, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21, NASB).

Daddy’s Girl – Do not resent your father when he disciplines you. Understand that it is a measure of His strong love. Appreciate Him all-the-more for it!

Daddy – Do not hold back. Treasure your daughter. Make the world a better place for her and through her!

11 October 2017