An Eschatological Parody of the Declaration of Independence

When in the course of biblical events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the eschatological bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of reason, the separate and equal station to which the book of Revelation and the Olivet Discourse entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation from mainstream evangelical doctrine.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are educated unequal, that they are endowed by their experiences with certain eschatological presuppositions, that among these are Rapture, Antichrist, and the Great Tribulation – That to secure these beliefs, doctrines are instituted among men, deriving their unjust powers from the consent of like-minded believers – That whenever any form of teaching becomes destructive toward biblical integrity, it is the right of the laymen to alter or to abolish it, and to institute renewed learning, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect reasonable interpretation. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that doctrines long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that critical thoughts are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of theological abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute dispensationalism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such spiritual leadership, and to provide new guards for their future theology – Such has been the patient sufferance of these Christians; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of beliefs. The history of the present evangelical church is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over eschatology. To prove this, let facts be submitted to the candid believer of the actions of the typical teacher of end-times.

He has refused his assent to literary laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the hermeneutical good.

He has forbidden his small-group leaders to abide by literary laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless agreement with his position should be obtained.

He has refused to translate according to grammatical laws for the accommodation of large portions of Scripture.

He has called together denominational bodies at places to inflict duress, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his beliefs.

He has ignored rational debate repeatedly, claiming moral certitude as a spiritual shepherd of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such confrontations, to allow other viewpoints to be considered; whereby compromises in other doctrines exposed to all, the dangers of biblical perversion from within the church.

He has endeavored to prevent the independent education of believers; for that purpose obstructing critical thinking; challenging differing views as insubordination toward God.

He has obstructed the use of dictionaries and lexicons, by refusing his assent to the plainest definitions and meanings.

He has made seminary students dependent on his views alone, for the respect of popular consensus.

He has erected a multitude of new tenants of faith and sent swarms of books to coerce our people into compliance.

He has kept among us, in times of conflict, the hope of bodily removal from a pending tribulation.

He has affected to render the military the identity of the demonic locusts.

He has combined with others to subject us to enlightened explanations foreign to our natural understanding of the Bible.

For influencing the weak-minded among us.

For protecting pretribulationists, by mock-divine revelation, from reasonable scrutiny.

For cutting off our dialogue that may sharpen our minds.

For imposing prophecy on us without biblical precedence.

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of exposure to varying views.

For transporting our minds with needless worry for pretended futuristic catastrophes.

For abolishing critical thinking in various theological themes, establishing therein an arbitrary eschatology, and enlarging its implicative boundaries so as to render it at once a fit instrument for answering any question based on speculation guised as spirit-filled wisdom.

For taking away our literal understanding of Scripture, abolishing our most valuable literary practices, and altering fundamentally the forms of apologetics.

For dismissing our own beliefs and declaring himself invested with power to understand biblical prophecy for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated reason here, by declaring us out of his brotherhood of Christianity and waging literary war against us.

He has plundered Revelation of understanding, ravaged Paul’s letters into nonsense, burnt our notion of biblical cohesion, and destroyed the eschatological comprehension of our people.

He is at this time transporting large volumes of insulting writings and elaborate sermons to complete the works of misleading congregants, projects totally unworthy of a recognized leader in his field.

He has constrained our fellow believers to act rashly under the impression of pending doom, to become the spiritual stumbling blocks of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us and has endeavored to divide believers by citing only extreme cases of those in opposition toward his views.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for clarification from our pastors in the most humble terms. Our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated placation and indifference. A minister whose character is thus marked by every act which may define an imbecile, is unfit to be the ruler of thinking Christians.

Nor have we been wanting in attentions to our evangelical brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their publications and lectures that hinder friendly debate toward us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our association with Christ and eagerness for truth. We have appealed to their compassion and integrity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of reason and of Christian unity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation from evangelical eschatology, and hold them, as we hold the rest of the lost, enemies of Scripture.

We, therefore, the reasonable Bible students of the United States of America, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do solemnly publish and declare, That these beloved Christians are by grace, and not of Right, ought to be free and independent thinkers; that they are absolved from all allegiance to mainstream eschatology, and that all worldly connection between them and those pretending future tribulationism, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent thinkers, they have enough humility to study the Bible, revise beliefs, promote intellectual and respectful debate, and to do all other acts and things which independent thinkers may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

August 8, 2021